Check-in

It is now slightly more than halfway through the year. (Cue flailing and shock.) How am I doing with my not-resolutions from the beginning of the year?

I will spend less time on the computer and more time reading books.

Um, sort of. I still probably spend way too much time on the computer, but I have read 21 books so far this year! I've finished a total of 2 (TWO) books since school got out. You know, a month ago? Oy. I did a lot better with this when I got 20 minutes of reading time with my students times three classes a day. I didn't read the whole 20 minutes every class every day, but even with just 20 minutes a day, period, I made a lot of progress. If I wasn't suddenly hooked on the Supernatural DVDs a friend is loaning me, I would probably be getting more reading done.

But hey! 21 books in just over 6 months! Not bad, I think. If I push it, I might make 50 by the end of the year, and that would be awesome! 
 
I will purge useless/broken/unwanted/unused stuff from the house.

I had a yard sale a few weeks ago. We got rid of the queen bed in the guest room (and replaced it with a futon which takes up way less space), a little table, some speakers, the bean bag chair we never used, and our old bookcase. We now have room for two NEW bookcases (which are jam packed full! and now there are NO books in stacks on the floor in my office), and we shifted some things around the dining area so it's more open and, I think, looks nicer. Anything not sold at the yard sale was carted off to Goodwill. Yay! We also cleaned up the guest room a little, got rid of an embarrassing amount of trash, I even managed to part with some wardrobe items I never wore. 

I will write at night in my Book of Days planner/journal at least a few lines about that day.

I've been pretty good about this. What usually happens is I'll space it for a while, then do two or three or four days at a time, but that still works. (Sometimes I look at my Facebook activity to remind myself what I did!) It will be really cool to look back on this in a few years, or even a few months. However, it's not exactly something I'll want to pass on to my children and grandchildren. There's some really really personal stuff in there. It's a just-for-me treasure. 

I will be a better housekeeper (which will hopefully be easier to do with less Stuff).

After the yard sale, the house was a wreck for a while as we moved things around, waited until we had money to buy bookcases, put them together, organized books, etc. etc. Ugh, I hated it! Since we got all of that squared away, however, it's still looking pretty nice. The piles of books on the floor of my office have a place now, freeing up floor space so there's only a very small pile o' stuff in there now. For the most part, dishes are being washed and then put away in a reasonable amount of time, mail gets sorted as soon as it comes in, the laundry is under control(ish), and you can usually see the surface of both the coffee table and the dining table! 

I will be a better listener and not an interrupter or a wait-until-you're-done-talking-so-I-can-say-what-I-wanted-to-say-er.

I think I am getting better at this. Although with some friends, sometimes, the only way to get a word in edgewise is to interrupt! ;)

I will pray more.

This still isn't happening as much or as often as I'd like it to or it should be, but what I have been doing is when I tell someone "I'll pray for you," whether it's on a Facebook post or in a letter or a text, I pray right then. There at my desk, in the car, wherever, just a quick prayer for them and their situation. That way I don't forget about it by putting it off until "the right time." It's always the right time for prayer.

I will write more--more letters, more blog posts, more journal entries, more stories, more poems.

Not so much with the blog posts, eh? I did, however, participate in Camp NaNo this June. It's just like NaNoWriMo in November, only they do two sessions in the summer: one in June and one in August. I wrote 50,138(ish) words in 30 days. The quick way to describe the story is "1920's carnival time-travel romance." I really like the story and I have the next at least 20-30 pages fairly well plotted out. Past that, I have more vague ideas, but I do have ideas! I thought I might have enough for a Book Two, but now I'm thinking it'll probably just be Part Two of the same book. I haven't written anything since June 30th (that's 11 days now), and I really need and want to go back to it. I'm actually not totally sick to death of the story, and I have IDEAS! This is a big deal. I've done NaNoWriMo 7 years in a row and have never finished any of those stories. I did continue to write on a couple of them past November, but then those, too, petered out to nothing. It would be a really great step for me to FINISH a story!

I've also tinkered with a couple of short stories, and of course I've done my usual geeky RPG writing with a couple of friends on IM. (I bet between the three of us, we easily do 50,000 words a month.) And I wrote three letters just today!

I will find a lesson plan format that works for me and I will plan in advance as well as I am able.

This was mandated by my school. After a lot of fussing and asking questions and "what if"ing and discussing, we finally got a template that, I think, works pretty well. It's not overwhelming, but it communicates to the teacher (me) and any administrators that happen to walk in generally what we are/should be doing that day. It's good. I just print out a few at a time and fill them in with pencil, usually for anywhere between 2-5 days at a time.

I will remember that I am not teaching Language Arts, I am teaching people.

(This is turning into a really long post, sorry.) This isn't an exact response to the not-resolution, but stick with me. During the Midsummer Night's Dream/Summer Solstice party I helped to host and throw last month, we did a neat little ritual I read about online. Everyone wrote down one or two or a few things they wanted to let go of, then we threw the scraps of paper into a fire as a symbolic gesture of watching them float away as smoke. I wrote down "anger" as one of mine. Certainly my students, individually and as a group, would really get on my nerves sometimes, especially the last month or so of school. Too often, I came to realize, I would react in anger instead of rationally and calmly. I realized I even do it at home to my husband sometimes, even to my pets! I've been trying to be conscious of that, and when I feel that anger rising up in me, I remember (or attempt to, as much as I can) that I'm speaking to a person (or an animal) and that 99% of the time, what they're doing is not to personally upset or attack me. They're just being themselves. I need to chill out, breathe, and handle the situation appropriately. Little by little little, I'm getting a bit better at this. 

I will not dwell on the past any more than I can absolutely help.

This is hard. I miscarried my second child in February, and this is the thing that comes up to bother me the most. The most often and the most strongly. It seems like sometimes when I think I'm doing really well, almost to the point of being smug about it--"I can look at this friend's baby pictures on Facebook and not cry!" "I can have a conversation about childbirth with a friend!" "I can talk about our 'someday' nursery or parenting skills with my husband!"--that's when I get slammed the hardest. I literally feel sick and my body feels heavy. I don't know how healthy this is, but the only thing I can do, right now at least, is to push it away into the back corner of my mind and make myself focus on something else. Usually this is after I've given into the feelings for a while and cried, sometimes alone, sometimes with a person I love. I might write about it, or just compose an imaginary blog post or letter in my head because I deal with things in words. And then I have to put it away, because otherwise I can't function and have a happy life. If I dwell on it, I just can't. So I guess I'll just continue to struggle with this... I don't know how long. It won't disappear when I finally hold my own baby in my arms, but maybe, hopefully, it will lessen. I just want to be pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby so, so badly. If you pray, please pray for my husband and I.

I will Skype loved ones that live far away.

I have not done this. I should.

I will love this year.

Yeah, for the most part, I have.

Words

Why do people feel the need to *talk* so much?  

"I'm home!" when you come through the door. Well, obviously. I heard the door open, I heard you clomp inside in your boots, heard the dog yap and run toward you. It's fairly obvious that you are no longer out there but here. Thanks, got it.

"I'm so mad right now!" Really? I couldn't tell. Smoke is practically pouring from your ears, you're red in the face, eyes scrunched up in frustration, the muscles of your neck and arms tight, your hands in fists. Thank you for telling me you're mad, otherwise I wouldn't have picked up on it.

"Are you hurt?" I stood up right beneath that shelf and you almost heard my teeth rattle from the impact. I'm clutching my head and tears have sprung to my eyes. But did I hurt myself? You just want to make sure before you start comforting me.

This isn't directed to or from any one person, just... people. I'm not frustrated or angry about this. Just sort of bemusedly exasperated at the weirdness of humans. Aren't we weird?

"I love you." I know. I know you do. I can see it in your eyes, I hear it in the way you speak to me. I feel it with the way your arms wrap around me and your legs tangle with mine, and I know you love me because you tease me and pick on me text me stupid things to make me laugh and think about me when you see a website or a movie I might like. You don't have to say it for me to know. You don't have to say it.

But I like hearing it. I like knowing that yes, you're human just like I'm human, and when you say "I love you" or "I'm home" or ask "Are you hurt?" you're reinforcing that what I know, what I feel, is valid, that you know and feel it too. That we're both people together, spewing out utterly pointless words just to keep feeling human.

So maybe the words aren't totally pointless.

Mad Men

Last night I dreamed about two mad men. One with a blue box, one on a ship.

At first, The Doctor (Tenth) was with a bunch of people trying to get them to safety. It was like I was there among them, but also watching the show, like you do in dreams. There was an awful lot of running involved... seriously, a lot. He had on his blue suit and red Converse, my favorite look for him. (No coat, though.) I don't remember much else than that.

Then, the way dreams do, things changed a little and The Doctor was suddenly Captain Jack Sparrow. His is a somewhat different style of running, but now we/they were fleeing a big building, a great big old hotel. I think it was burning down or being attacked or something? We ended up on the beach between the sea grass that led up to the hotel and the waves. It was night.

That was all, really. Two of my favorite fictional characters, two of my heroes. Both quite mad. Brilliant at times, but very, very daft at others. (Texting and scones.) And since there was really no point to this post at all, here are two videos about my darlings running.


Captain Jack Sparrow's signature panicked run:



And a whole song about how much running is involved for The Doctor's companion:

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

In 2011:

I turned a quarter of a century old 26 OHMYGOSH why can't I remember how old I am???
I finished my first year of teaching -- 8th grade Language Arts.
I spent my first summer completely free from any job or obligations... and it was wonderful.
I built a blanket-and-pillow fort in my living room and spent the whole day in it--twice.
I dyed my hair purple for a while. Then black, to cover up the purple and be an adult again.
I hosted a Harry Potter party, a Star Wars party, and co-hosted another HP party and a beautiful candlelit Edgar Allan Poe party.
I sewed things.
I knit things.
I crocheted things.
I wrote 50,000 words of a novel for the 7th year in a row during November's NaNoWriMo challenge.
I had a couple of outdoor tea parties with my wonderful knitting group, Weekly Fiber.
I rode my bicycle, Mabel (although not as much as I would have liked to).
I wandered the Farmer's Market several times, although I only ever bought peaches and a delicious ham and cheese crepe.
I lived on almost nothing but Ramen and beans for a week at a time, several times.
I got a cat, and we slowly got used to one another.
I spent way too much time on Facebook and Pinterest (which probably contributed to the minimal blogging).
I spent a fantastic weekend in Denver with my husband, who whisked me away for a birthday getaway of rich food, a funny play, lots of walking, and even a little history.
I had some really spectacular fails as a teacher, but some really great wins, too.
I became obsessed with 1920's fashion, hair, makeup, and music.
I helped plant grass in our tiny back yard.
I spent my fourth Christmas without my little brother, Logan. Miss him every day.
I became very discouraged about ever getting pregnant after a heartbreaking miscarriage in 2010, then angry with God, then resigned, then at peace that everything will happen in his perfect timing.
I said goodbye to some wonderful 8th graders, and was holding the door wide open for others to leave.
I welcomed a new crop of 8th graders, who seemed so small and strange at the beginning of the year, and how are now just "my kids" (although they are still certainly strange).
I grew a little more distant from some friends and a little closer with others.
I read a lot of really good books and a few crummy ones.
I hosted a nice little New Year's Eve party last night with board games, snacks, and good friends.

Goodbye, 2011! You were a good year, a hard year, a memorable year.

In 2012:

I will spend less time on the computer and more time reading books.
I will purge useless/broken/unwanted/unused stuff from the house.
I will write at night in my Book of Days planner/journal at least a few lines about that day.
I will be a better housekeeper (which will hopefully be easier to do with less Stuff).
I will be a better listener and not an interrupter or a wait-until-you're-done-talking-so-I-can-say-what-I-wanted-to-say-er.
I will pray more.
I will write more--more letters, more blog posts, more journal entries, more stories, more poems.
I will find a lesson plan format that works for me and I will plan in advance as well as I am able.
I will remember that I am not teaching Language Arts, I am teaching people.
I will not dwell on the past any more than I can absolutely help.
I will Skype loved ones that live far away.
I will love this year.

Welcome, 2012!

Poe Night

Welcome to the (first annual?) Edgar Allan Poe Night, co-hosted by Ann and Heather at Ann's house on the evening of 21 October, 2011.

{{Click the pictures to make them bigger and start a slideshow}}

For you literary types, you can play Spot the Allusion. We have bits from "The Cask of Amontillado," "The Raven" (several times over--you may find a [paper] bust of Pallas over a doorway if you look very closely) of course, gifts from the Poe Toaster (the mysterious man who visits Poe's grave every year on his birthday), and "The Fall of the House of Usher."

There were also black paper cutouts of rats lurking around the walls from "The Pit and the Pendulum", Ravenwood red wine, blank bookmarks to decorate with fake quills (red Bic pens with black feathers taped on top), plenty of old books, lots of candles, plates with quotes from Poe's poetry, prose, and criticism written on them, mismatched wine glasses, banners made from fabric and pages from an old, falling-apart book containing some of Poe's stories, illustrations from that same book adorning the table, wonderful food, and even better company. The whole thing was conducted solely by candlelight.

We played True or False with facts about Poe's life and works, and everyone learned a little something. Someone read a poem that reminded him of Poe and someone else read the poem from "House of Usher." Thanks very much to my friend Ann for hosting; all I did was bring decorations the day before and help set the table earlier that evening. Everyone had a wonderful time, and I can't wait to do it again, whether it's another Poe Party next October or a night honoring another author in a few months!

New Dress and (better) New Hair and New Grass

There was still quite a lot of dye left on my hair even after washing (and washing and washing) it out, so in the pictures I took the night I did it, it looked almost black. Well, after another good washing, the extra dye is gone and you can actually see the purple!


I made a new dress.


It basically looked like a shower curtain at first what with the ruffle at the top and the length, so I added the sash and halter tie. Much better.

I wore this to the Farmer's Market on Thursday evening. I got a compliment on the dress and several on the hair. One little girl who was riding her bike down a side street with helmet, training wheels and all, practically screamed, "Mommy, purple hair!" as I stepped down an alley to Main Street. It made me giggle.


The fabric is from a vintage sheet I got at Salvation Army or Goodwill or a yard sale. It's been so long I don't remember. Last summer, I made a drawstring backpack out of one of the pillow cases and some turquoise fabric.

Twirl! Always required after making and trying on a new dress.

You can also see our new grass, which is about a month old now. It still needs to fill in some spaces, but so far, so good! I'm just waiting for our water bill, which is sure to be massive. Although if this rain keeps up, maybe not!

New Hair

If you know me at all, you probably won't be surprised by what you're about to see. I got my hair cut quite short again (it was still short, but it had grown out for nearly three months), then made another change.

Bleach on

Bleached!
(I look like I belong in an anime....)

Purple hair!

This is how I usually wear my hair.

It's not very very purple. It actually turned out almost black, and is only purple in certain lights or at certain angles. Maybe as I wash it and it fades a little, it'll be lighter and more noticeable.

Sometimes I wear my hair like this.

Thanks, Mom, for being my hairdresser! I don't have to look like a teacher for another month and a half, so why not, right? I love it!

Autograph Book

I went to 5 or 6 different yard sales on the way home from knitting group this morning. AMAZINGLY, I only bought stuff at three of them, though I totally made out like a bandit, especially at one! I've been looking for some very specific things, which I might start showing you after a bit, and I did not let myself look at any clothes (er, except I did buy a Cheshire Cat t-shirt and a pretty wrap skirt, and I coveted a couple of fur coats but didn't buy them). I could yammer on about the other things I got, but I'll save that for later. Today I want to tell you about the autograph book.


An autograph book is a little book of blank pages in which a person collects the autographs of friends and acquaintances, although they often also contain little notes, poems, rhymes, jokes, or even drawings.

I like how she added "Sunday" before School-day Memories, and wrote the name of her teacher, "Brother Wilcox" instead of the more typical year she graduated from that class. It's also got her address, which you can bet I will be scoping out soon, if possible.

This is the autograph book of Annie Lillian Lambert. I know her middle name, even though it isn't in the autograph book, because I also bought her 5-year diary, which was sporadically filled out for 1943 up until July 16th, with three entries in 1944. (The diary, the autograph book, and a really cute 1930's children's book I got for $1 all together.) In the diary, she mostly wrote about the parties she went to with friends, receiving letters from various boys, who drove her home or who she sat next to on rides around town (and what a "swell guy" the beau of the moment was), and the occasional prayer meeting at church or test at school.

The first handful of pages appear to be filled in by visiting preachers, maybe at revivals or just from gentlemen who came to preach at her church. I know sometimes "back in the day," nearby towns used to swap preachers for a Sunday. After that, the rest of the pages (and there are many!) are written in by Sunday School friends. There are also quite a few from people she met at a church camp called Pinecrest (written "Pine Crest" in the book) Camp in Palmer Lake, Colorado. A Google search pulled up The Historic Pinecrest, a lovely place to get married, with a chapel, an event center, and a lodge. Only the chapel looks like it might be remotely "historic," but I couldn't find anything more about it. Either it's a different place altogether, or it's undergone a lot of remodeling since 1945.


"May 28, 1944

Dear Annie,

Cows like punkins
Pigs like squash
I like you
I do by gosh!

A friend
Ruth Rupe"

There are several Rupes in the book; I assume they're siblings and/or cousins around Annie's age.


"June 11, 1944
Grand Junction, Colo.

Dear Annie,

Annie is your name.
Grand Jct. is your station,
Flearting (sic) with the boys
is your chief accupation (sic).

Sgt. George Gray
&
Bertha Whitesel
&
Flora Rupe"

I wonder where she met these folks! I'll bet she was very excited to spend time with a Sergeant! And who are Bertha and Flora, and why did they feel the need to sign the same page but in lead pencil as opposed to the blue pencil George signed with? Just friends being silly after the fact, or were they really there and just used a different pencil?


"Aug. 16, 1945

Dear Ann,

When you are kissing your sweetheart,
Out by the gate,
Remember, love's blind
but the neighbors ain't.

Your friend at Youth Camp,
Carlene Alexander"

From the 1944 diary entries, I'm assuming she's at least in high school from all the talk about "driving around" and "he drove me home!" Was she really that big a flirt and that boy-crazy? Or am I just getting a small part of the story--the things she thought were important and wanted to write about and the things her friends wanted to remember and tease her about.

Many of the preachers and some of the friends or acquaintances wrote well-wishes and exhorted her (one even used that word, exhort!) to live a life for God, that she would be a blessing to others, that the Lord would bless her, that God needs her talents, and so on. Reverend C.E. Myers from Osborn, Missouri, at a revival in Grand Junction on May 6, 1944, wrote Rom. 11:33 on his page. The verse is, "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!" John H. Kane of Anderson, Indiana, (camper, preacher, or friend?) recommended Annie memorize 1 Cor. 10:13, as "It will help you much." That verse is, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

Lila Mae (with whom Annie spent many days and nights, according to the diary) wrote "In your fruitcake of friends, remember me as the nut!" after her little note, but she wrote it upside down and added in the corner, "Ha! ha! I made you turn upside down." There's also some sort of code on the edge of her page. I'm sure they were very close friends with lots of inside jokes.

There are several references to the colors of the pages, usually in rhyme (these are only a couple): "I'll be polite and write on white/ And save the yellow for your fellow." (Lila Mae) "I'll write on yellow 'cause it is mellow" (Myron Hogen/Hagen?) In the book there are white, yellow, pink, and blue pages. I think this must be typical for autograph books because of the rhymes, which the folks who signed must have memorized and written often in various autograph books. One person named Lowell Ely (maybe? water smudged it) wrote around in a spiral, "Some people write up some write down Just to be different I will write around." Bertha Whitesel (who may or may not have known Sgt. George Gray!) added to the end of her cute poem, "Yours till the Mississippi wears rubber pants to keep its bottom dry." I also saw "Yours til the butter flies," and, "Yours till the popcorn balls."

I'm sure this is WAY MORE information than any of you really wanted or certainly needed, but I just love this whole thing! I understand the thrill of being a historian or an archeologist, now. You only have so much to work with, but by putting pieces together, matching up handwriting, finding out information on places, dates, and names, and using a little imagination, you can put together a picture of someone's life decades or even centuries in the past!

Did any of you ever have an autograph book? What are some memorable things you've seen in autograph books or yearbooks? What sorts of things did you used to write?

Wii Fit

I got the Wii Fit out today for the first time in probably more than a year.


A small part of it is guilt that we spent all that money (Wii, Balance Board, and game) a couple of years ago and never use the dang thing. Mostly, though, it's that I hurt. I hurt when I wake up in the morning, I hurt when I sit in my desk chair, I hurt when I curl up on the couch with a movie. Notice how all those things involve not moving. There's my problem. So I'm going to start moving again.

During the school year, I'm standing up and sitting down a million times a day. I'm standing at the front of the classroom, I'm walking up and down between the desks, I'm perching on my stool, I'm walking to the office, the library, a classroom for meetings. I'm bending down to see a student's paper and edit with him, I'm stretching up to pull the projector screen down.

Since school got out, I've ridden my bike once (a whole 2 miles, woo) and taken two or three walks with the dog and/or husband. Other than that, I've been in front of my computer, on the couch, in bed, or on the floor in my Luxury Tent. All this non-activity on top of my scoliosis means... I hurt.


I don't want to hurt more than I already do, so I started out with only 15 credits on the Wii Fit. (Each exercise gives you a certain number of credits, usually just one or two per activity.) I'll work my way up to 30 where I was before, when we first got the Wii Fit and I was doing it every day. I do mostly Yoga and Balance, with a little Strength and a little Aerobic.

I also intend to ride my bike at least a couple times a week. Walks are okay, but kind of boring unless I have the husband to talk to. Taking the dog is a pain because she's, well, stupid, and gets all tangled up around our legs, pulls ahead, pulls behind, etc. One of my goals this summer, though, is to teach her how to take a walk nicely, so we'll keep working on that.

Don't get me wrong, though. I still fully intend to read a lot, watch lots of movies and TV series (huzzah for instant Netflix!), sew, and waste time on the internet! I love having summers off!

Knitting Tea Party

Today was Knit In Public Day. The library hosted a get-together on the front lawn, and a lady from the yarn shop downtown came as well. (And handed out coupons. Evil woman. I saw everyone from our little group at the yarn shop right after the library thing was over!)

Our knitting group, Weekly Fiber, meets Saturday mornings at various coffee shops to chat and knit (or crochet or embroider or hand sew or whatever--mostly knit). We assumed this event would just be a "come set up your lawn chairs wherever and chat" kind of thing, so we decided to bring a table and chairs, and I brought my fancy antique tea cups, tea set, coffee pot, and cloth napkins. That way we could still get our usual caffeine fix! One lady also brought muffins and scones.


It ended up that the library had a display of knitting books, chairs, and an awning... on the other side of the tree where we had room to set up in the shade. We felt slightly anti-social, sitting apart, but we enjoyed ourselves, and several people came over to say hi.

Melissa, Ann, me

After a while, a woman and her just-out-of-college daughter joined us and enjoyed some tea and conversation. It was a lovely morning with perfect weather! We're all very glad we went.

***

Last week when I lived in the Luxury Tent for a couple of days, I got on a 1920's kick and researched fashion, shoes, hairstyles, makeup, food.... This website was a great help (and makes me really want to go to that event)! Then, of course, I decided to sew my own 20's dress. It wasn't just flappers! Very few women wore fringed dresses, headbands with feathers, and rolled down stockings. (There were no fishnets unless you were *gasp* in a burlesque show or similar.) However, long strings of beads were popular with everyone!

I liked the look of the boat-neck, kimono sleeve dresses, and rather than sew on trim, I wanted to do embroidery. I didn't use a pattern, just traced a t-shirt for the general shape, measured the length I wanted it to be, and made it a little extra big to begin with--it's easy to make things shorter, but rather harder to make them longer!


I had the dress mostly "built" in a day. Over the next few nights, I did the embroidery, starting out with the little flowers on the sash (which were pretty wonky, but it's not really noticeable), then doing the ones along the neckline and bottom hem.


The neck facing was the most fiddly bit. I ended up hand-stitching a little of it because I had to fudge it to make it work, but I think it turned out fine.


The skirt is in four panels: the front and back are flat and plain, and the two narrower panels at the hips are gathered. The embroidery pattern (which I made up) could be little four-petal flowers, like lilacs.


I call this dress the Lilac Garden Party Dress.